Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Cluttered Mind

 I remember reading this quote when i was 13 or 14. " Change is the most permanent phase of life." I was on the transforming spree then, from a kiddo to a teenager who almost knew everything on the surface of this earth. Too proud to accept that i ve not understood the complete implication of the quote. But as i grew up, i realised that, that quote is like the magna carta of life. You cant evade change. No, not even if you manage to become Barack Obama or Angela Merkel or even Michelle Obama for that matter. No man or woman can overcome the hurdles of change in life. No matter what power you can wield.
              You dont need a Ph. D to realise this. Some understand the quote as quick as they can eat a cookie. And some take aeons. I am on that bus ride now. On the way to accepting the reality. Today s world has become a small world. A place where people dont have the time to say hi or smile at each other or give a buzz to a good chum. We dont connect anymore. Of course, we talk. But we dont converse. We can attribute the present state of the universe to a lot of things; technology, science, money, upliftment of standard of living. I mean what not. But on thinking twice, there s this question in my mind. After all, why did someone go to the trouble of doing all this? To stay connected. Or to put it more effectively, to stay bonded.
             Somewhere along the ride to becoming swanky and cool, we ve all lost our sole purpose, to express love. To be lovable. Both are no picnics in life. To love without thinking and without attaching a conditions apply tag is demanding. But to accept such love is also overwhelmingly difficult.The other day, when i was introspecting, i realised that most problems in life occur because one of us dont want to change.  
                Lets say the culprit here is the E guy; ego. Two of us have a problem. One. We dont want to talk about it. Two: In the eventuality that we talk, we dont want to agree with each other. And three; if at all we agree, then we dont want to hold our horses. We ve lost the ability to let go. We want to hang on, carry forward the grudge and then do cartloads of regretting.
              This situation has become the humdrum of everyone s life. Especially a newly married couple. Guy earns a 6 digiter. Gal earns 6 digiter. But do they enjoy the 12 digits put together. No!! Why? I will attribute all this to a cluttered mind. A mind which is full of negativity, too many expectations and added to it, like a cherry on the ice cream, is the back seat driver attitude. If its a marriage, then it s meant to be. It s not a contract signed before God or in the name of the Almighty. It s more like living together bonded forever.
            We must realise that we are not going to live forever. And not everyday and not everyone will volunteer to live with you throughout your life. I ll say the problem begins right there when two people are married and they are so decided that they dont want to change. Ive heard a hundred people telling me that they want to remain the way they are even after they are married. But the truth is you cant be that way. If you are living with a person, then you have to let go a little. Remember, we are all made for adaptation. When you can wear a sweater if it s freezing cold and walk around in floral prints in spring, then you can accept the fact that your spouse does not like Tom Cruise. What s the big deal about that? After all we are made for change.
                The fact that you are trying to alter the course of nature is the crux of the problem. Why is it that we are so fixed about not changing once we tie the knot. Seriously, is it like committing a murder? Some people do portray it that way. Honestly, i was not open to change either. I am a pampered only child who got every demand of hers fulfilled. But i was not taught to be stubborn like a mule or act like a zombie with people around me. All this talk reminds me of one more thing. "Personal Space" is in vogue now. I dont see it going out of fashion anytime soon. Though, God forbid. I wish it does. Since when has man become such a solitary animal? Werent we social animals? If your personal space is so sacred to you, then so it is to your spouse. What applies to you applies to the other too. You are married. That means there are two of you now who are eternal in your life; you and your better half. So there s no point in demarcation of space. In fact the more lines you draw, the more trouble you are in. Erase all the boundaries around you and see how beautiful life becomes.
           I remember reading an article in Reader s Digest. Some one wrote, " i never choose, i let my husband do all the choosing. It s not because he doesnt let me. It s because too many choices make my life complex and there s this immense joy in seeing my husband glow when i m with him" Those words are still freshly etched in my mind. When you have to choose, you complicate. Remember, you made a very good choice. In fact the best choice for your own self. Your spouse. So any choice from that end is definitely not going to be bad. Let go a little. If someone s choosing for you, its surely love that s causing the choice.
                   I dont say, we should live the life of a hermit. I only tell, we should become less demanding, less expecting and more giving. It s a wonderful thing to be on the giving end. And if at all the change is for good, then what s the harm? By good, i mean happiness and peace of mind. Money, material and luxury are all mere wants. Its needs that matter. And the need of the hour is to love and to be loved. For that, we need to unclutter our mind. I am painfully aware that unclutter is not a word but i m unable to find one more which best expresses me. So lets let go, and clear the clutter.



  1. Well said. We do have a peaceful life when we do let go. I took hell a lot of time to understand this but when i did I am happy. Nice to hear these wonderful words from a young girl like you. Your blog is always a treat to readers!!!!!!!

  2. It is a rambling of many thoughts interestingly told.Let me confine about Change you had started your post with.There are two kinds of changes controllable and uncontrollable.Aging,wrinkles,weakening of the faculties are all constantly happening in the iexorable journey of life.We can at best retard them a bit but cannot stop.The controllable change lies in our attitudes,our values,our ability to get along with others and making life a pleasant one.You have touched upon these too.Our endeavour should be to change those we can for bettermennt of life and accept changes that cannot be avoided.
    First visit.My thanks are due to Veena Krishnakumar for introducing your blog